5 WAYS TO GET ALONG WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Some people are just easier to work with than others. In a survival situation, lives can depend upon successfully navigating a challenging relationship. These methods can help.

FIRST – REALIZE THAT YOU AREN’T THE ONLY PERSON WITH THIS PROBLEM.
Many difficulties arise when someone is convinced of his ‘chronic uniqueness.’ This is the belief that one’s history, circumstances, wants, needs, requirements and desires are so different that no one could possibly understand or be trusted to make decisions affecting him. Telling this person he is mistaken will place him on the defensive and cause more time-consuming conflict. Recognize this self-deception for what it is and avoid taking offense when you see it in others while guarding against it in your own thinking.

SECOND -- DON’T EXPECT OTHERS TO SOOTHE YOUR EMOTIONS.
Others shouldn’t have to listen to you whine. It sounds harsh, but lives could be at risk. Your companions don’t need to be reminded of your emotional turmoil at every opportunity. Your willingness to avoid complaining will add to your value as a team member. Save the details of your inner struggles for a journal. Communicate information as it is necessary. Endeavor to be an encourager. Conversing about the positive points of your circumstance is a way to redirect your thoughts while helping others.

A mural in the rotunda of Oregon's State Capitol
shows the Lewis and Clark Expedition
arriving at Celilo Falls on the Columbia River in 1805.

THIRD – ACCEPT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN THE MATTER.
If you habitually blame others for conflict, it places the group dynamic at risk. It ISN’T just the other person’s problem. Red flags that you are contributing to difficulties are if someone avoids your company, finds excuses for leaving the area when you arrive, or routinely discounts your input. If this is the case, here are a couple of steps that may help:

STEP ONE: Stop spreading the dirt.
When people discuss their difficulties with others, it is in your best interest to change the subject and not take part in such conversations. If your team member suspects you are speaking about him, it will cause a rift. This broken trust can lead to resentment that is displayed in actions and attitude. Your companion becomes just what you painted him to be by responding to your damaging words.

STEP TWO: Focus on strengths and abilities.
Look for opportunities to say something genuinely positive about your team member. Do this even if he is not within earshot. It helps YOU to take inventory of strengths and abilities rather than cataloging irritating traits. Refocus your thoughts when you find yourself falling into this habit. This will help you be less abrasive towards this person without having to put on a front.

FOURTH – DON’T OFFER PLATITUDES AND EXPECT A GOOD RESPONSE.
Many people think social niceties are essential for good group dynamics. A crumbling group dynamic isn’t helped when pleasantries are extended without underlying goodwill. Nice manners ALONE aren’t enough to smooth over serious fractures – and poor manners aren’t a serious enough offense over which to engage in a bitter battle.

FIFTH – BE WILLING TO LOSE THE BATTLE IN ORDER TO WIN THE WAR.
Often, both parties are too proud, too bitter or too hostile to reconcile their differences. Remember, the goal is to survive, not to be proven right. Don't nag or pressure others to conform to your way of thinking. It’s true: ‘A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still’ -- AND . . . he’s pretty ticked off at being manipulated.

When you set an example of flexibility and refuse to hold grudges, you inspire others to follow your lead. Set aside behaviors that cause conflict and demonstrate your willingness to contribute to the welfare of the group. Your willingness to patiently make an effort to get along can help make the best of a bad circumstance.